The Great Schism

(Interview with Pope Urban VI, and Pope Clement VII, 1415)

Me: Hello, Popes.

Clement: Hello.

Urban: Hello, how are you?

Me: Great Thank you. So tell me about your fueds.

Clement: Well, when Pope Gregory XI died, I took power, and this moron tried to take it frome me.

Urban: That is not what happened, I am the Pope!!

C: No, I am!!!!

M: Ok, lets settle down.

U: Ok, well I was appointed Pope, but the Cardinals regretted their decision, so they took me off, and gave it Clement. The problem soon escaladed from a church problem, to a country wide scale.

C: Yeah, 'cause that guy didn't want to not be pope, so he threw a fit.

U: I was elected, and if you are elceted, you should serve until you are dead.

M: Well, obviously, there are some issues.

C: Yeah, with him.

U: Stop it.

M: Ok, so you split, and created a new religion, then what?

U: John XXIII resigned.

C: The roman popes got a legitamate line, and the council was heard.

M: So its all cool now?

C: Yeah.

U: I guess.

M: Great, well thanks for coming see you later.

C: Goodbye.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Schism

Columbus Leaves Spain

(Interview with Christopher Columbus, 1506)

Me: Good day Christopher, hows your voyaging been?

Chris: Frusterating, I go on so many voyages.

Me: I know, I looked at your time line, and you went on like fifty voyages at least.

Chris: I know, I start to miss home after a while.

M: Well you did get a lot out of your voyages, didn't you?

C: Haha, yes I did, it made me a household name forsure.

M: Tell me about your jobs.

C: I am a navigator, colonizer, and explorer, and those jobs can be kind of annoying. All the maps, and sailors, they get so annoying.

M: I'm sure they do, what do you think Lief Ericson was thinking when you said you discovered the Americas?

C: I think he was either like "Oh no, i should've figured it out" or "Haha, what an idiot, I was already there."

M: That would make sense. What did you think when you got to the Americas or what yout thought was Asia?

C: I was like, oh I'm here, but then I realized it wasn't Asia, I nearly freakout, I knew I would get very famous soon.

M: Yes, you certainly did. Tell me about your arrest.

C: They arrested me because people said I was a tyrant as a Governer in Hispaniola. So I was sent back to Spain, and I was thrown in jail.

M: That's awful. Well, thank you for being here, I hope your voyages go well.

C: Thanks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Columbus#Governorship_and_arrest

Charlemange

(Interview with Charlemagne, 768)
Me: Hello Charlemagne, how are you?

Charlemagne: I'm fine, and you?

Me: Good, so whats it like being king of the Franks?

Charlemange: It's awesome, but I like being Emporer better.

M: So what do you think when people say the your "Holy Roman Empire" was neither roman nor and empire?

C: Uhm, well, I wasn't the one who came up with the name.

M: Yes, but you didnt say anything.

C: Next question.

M: Ok, do you have any opinion of the Byzantine Empire?

C: No, they suck.

M: Alright...Why do you have such strong feelings about them?

C: Because they are just the rival of the Roman Empire, like Michigan and Ohio State, or Biggy and Tupac.

M: I see, whats it like being the grandson of such a powerful man?

C: It is great, I already have the recognition of a powerful leader, and people respected my grandfather so much, that they already have a large liking for me.

M: True, he was a great leader. Tell me about your early life.

C: Sure, I was the eldest son of Pepin the Short and Bertrada of Laon, and I had a younger brother who died after a short life, his name was Pippin. Not avery exciting childhood, as you can see.

M: Yes, I can, well thank you for your time, and goo luck with your adventures.

C: Thank you, goodbye.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlemagne#Early_life

Crusades

(Interview with Pope Urban II, 1095)

M: Hello Pope.

Urban: Hello Mr. Powers

Me: Why did you decided to send the Crusades.

Urban: I wanted control of the Holy Land, ofcourse, wouldn't you if you were as big of a christian as I am?

M: I guess you're right, aren't you disappointed that your crusaders didn't get results?

U: Oh, ofcourse not, even though they didn't get me what I wanted, they did bring back something that would change the world.

M: And what would that be?

U: Knowledge. They brought back knowledge beyond your belief. If they hadn't done that, Europe would've stayed in the Dark Ages because of lack of knowledge. So to answer your question, no I am not disappointed.

M: Wow, you are right, that would've been bad if they had come back literally empty handed with nothing to tell of. But you must be sad they didn't capture the Holy Land for good.

U: Well, I guess, even though we did take it for a small amount of time, I did wish we took it for good. If we had, Jerusalem would be a 100%  christian, wouldn't that be miraculous?

M: Sure, thanks for answering my questions.

U: Anytime.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Urban_II

Magna Carta

(Interview with King John, 1215)

Me: Good afternoon John, hows life?

John: Tough, the peseants do not want a strong government.

Me: Tell me about it.

John: Well, first theres this guy Robin Hood, he is annoying. He apparently doesn't like that some people have money because they worked for it, so he gives the poor stolen money. I know that it's "morally right" but I dont care, its against the law. And when I try to be strict with them, the only get more p.o.-ed. So the people took me, and they made me sign some kinda document.

M: What kinda document.

J: A document that says the king must obey his rules.

M: Oh, right I get it, we have some stuff based off those rules in our society right now.

J: Right, but I'm not done, they document they made me sign was called the Magna Carta. It claimed "King must obey laws, has its own system of rules, and makes a parliment, house of commons, and a legislative branch.

M: You know John, that document actually helps in today's society a lot, without it, the world would be very different and the people would have close to no power at all.

J: Yeah but at my own expense.

M: Well, at least you helped the people of Europe and Earth.

J: Whatever.

M: Well, thank you for being on my interview, have fun with ur kingdom.

J: I will, thank you.

http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/featured_documents/magna_carta/

Battle of Tours

(Interview with Charles "The Hammer" Martel, 732 AD)

Me: Hello Charles, whaddup?

Charles: Not much, chillin.

Me: Sick, what's up with the Battle of Tours?

Charles: The Moores invaded Gaul, and the King was like "Charles, help us" so I agreed to beat the Moores down. It was a tough battle, but I had an idea that would imortalize me. While the moorels were at there camp, I sent my men in for a surprise stike, and it worked. So we defeated the Moores, and I was made a hero.

M: Nice, people claim you saved the country from turning into an "Arab Gaul?"

C: Nah, I was just doing my job as a general. And that was to defeat the enemy and protect Gaul.

M: Impressive, what else can you tell me?

C: I dont know, not very much just that I have a very cool nickname.

M: True, well if that's it then I'll see you later.

C: Alright, bye.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Tours#The_Franks

William The Conquerer

(Interview with William the Conquerer, 1066 AD)

Me: Good afternoon William, how are you?

William: I am fine, and you?

Me: Fantastic, tell me about your book of census and why you did it.

William: It is a book. But not just a normal book, it has records of anyhting you can think of in Normandy, how many trees, how many pigs or cattle of even chimenies. I did it so incase of an invasion, we would know exactly where to put anthing, to hide anyone, or what to do with the objects and people.

M: Well, it is a very good idea I must say. Explain the battle of Hastings.

W: On October 13th, I recieved news of Harold of Wessex was marching towards my land in order to take the throne. At dawn the next morning, Harold was standing ast the top of Senlac Hill, about seven milea away from Hastings, then struck. The battle lasted all day. Although the numbers were about even, I had infantry and cavalry, including many archers, while Harold only had foot soldiers. I charged, the English all ran, letting us attack them from the rear multiple times, forcing them away giving us the victory.

M: What happened at the invasion of England?

W: I led an army of Normans, Bretons, Flemings, and Frenchmen, to defeat King Harold at Hastings, it was pretty much the same thing as the Battle of Hastings, nothing different, same story.

M: Last question, why did people call you "William the Bastard"?

W: Because of the illegitimacy of my birth.

M: What do you mean?

W: Well, back in my times, people would protest and would get very angry if a child was born while his mother and father weren't married, so people got mad, but nothing drastic happened.

M: Well thank you for being on my interview, good luck with ur land.

W: Thanks you too.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror#Events